Letters to the Prez

Oh what one may find on the internet. I can't properly introduce this any better than the original author so here goes:

In August of 2003 I initiated a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request regarding any files the FBI might have compiled on me over the past thirty years. In November of 2003 I was surprised to receive a hefty stack of redacted files, amongst which were a series of fourteen letters written to the President of the United States from December of 2001 to December of 2002.

Oddly enough, I don’t recall writing even one of these letters, despite the fact that each of them bears my handwritten signature. Subsequent handwriting analysis has revealed that these signatures are indeed in my own handwriting and reveal a fair amount of mental disturbance on the part of the writer at the time of their composition. The fact that I have no memory of writing them is a mystery I am now in the process of researching.

If anybody has any clues as to who may have composed these letters, please don’t hesitate to contact me. This case remains an unsolved enigma waiting to be unraveled.

Thank you for your time and attention.
Robert Guffey

The author goes on to include his 14 letters to the president and first lady, which subsequently leads to hilarity. Example:

Dear President Bush:
Can you please tell me what the fuck kind of animals are the Animaniacs? Are they cats or are they dogs? They look kinda like cats but they’ve got the ears of dogs. No self-respecting cat ever had ears like that. But they don’t have whiskers either. What’s going on here? Can someone in your office please explain this?
Sincerely yours,

Check out all 14 letters here.