You've heard of electric shock...

...now feel the electric...cock.

Actually that is neither a penis nor electric, but some crafty designer made it that way. Okay, just the penis part. Find out what this logo actually is at the Phallic Logo Awards!

The Worst Band Names of '06

The guy who taught my magazine writing class despised lists and the magazines that used them because putting stuff like "10 best excuses to take ritalin," "20 Sexy Moles" or "Top 50 ways to insult the in-laws" as a lead cover story was lazy and lacking in creativity.

That just happens to be what I am as I present (you guessed it!) another list for my second consecutive post: The Worst Band Names of '06 brought to you by the The Onion's A.V. Club.

Most of these are truly awful, but some them should've made their way onto the Best Band Names list instead as they're actually kind of creative, unlike me. That means you Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza, National Ass Groovin' Association and Here Comes Old Vodka Tits.

101 Dumbest Moments in Business for 2006

Big money, big egos and a general lack of common sense = serious business!










Some highlights of the lowlights:

• Northwest Airlines: In July, bankrupt Northwest Airlines begins laying off thousands of ground workers, but not before issuing some of them a handy guide, "101 Ways to Save Money." The advice includes dumpster diving ("Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash"), making your own baby food, shredding old newspapers for use as cat litter, and taking walks in the woods as a low-cost dating alternative.
• Kazakhstan: Amid efforts by Kazakhstan to prove it's not the backward land portrayed in the movie Borat, the nation's central bank misspells the Kazakh word for "bank" on its 2,000- and 5,000-tenge notes.
• National Semiconductor: In June, National Semiconductor boosts morale by handing every employee a 30-gigabyte iPod, for which it makes computer chips. In July, National lays off 35 employees - and demands their iPods back, claiming that the portable music players are company "equipment."
• British Food Processor: Mick Woods purchases a package of cooked ham made by British food processor H.R. Hargreaves & Son. After reviewing the complete list of ingredients, which includes "dog shit," he loses his appetite. Hargreaves fires the employee responsible for the prank and begins a recall of the mislabeled packages.
• DDS Media: British multimedia publisher DDS Media is forced to scrap 10,000 copies of TV anchor Eamonn Holmes's spelling game after it misspells Holmes's name on the DVD.
• Mars: Mars recalls more than 1,000 M&Ms menorahs after receiving reports that five of the plastic candleholders - designed to resemble the popular candies and featuring a pair of M&Ms characters holding Stars of David - have started smoldering or burst into flames.

And this last one isn't stupid, just funny :)

• Crackheadz Gone Wild: New York: Entrepreneurs David Singletary and Milton Greagory begin selling Crackheadz Gone Wild: New York DVDs for $10 in New York's Harlem neighborhood. "It's basically a drug-awareness video," says Singletary, a former crack dealer. The thriving business rakes in $2,500 a week at a single table across from the Apollo Theater.

Check out the entire list at CNN.com.

German women don't like babies

Who cares if their promiscuity means Deutschland faces a future of economic decline? German women are too busy working, having sex and not making babies.

Conan sells me on the iPhone

As cool as the new iPhone is with its fancy touch-screen, 2 megapixel cam, 4GB or 8 GB of storage, Bluetooth 2.0 with EDR and A2DP, WiFi that automatically engages when in range, and quad-band GSM radio with EDGE and a bunch of other functions I don't understand, the $499-$599 price was such a huge turnoff.

Had I known it had these other features, I would've given Apple my money by now***. Mace? Sonogram? Grenade? Sold!!!!!



***Joke's on Apple; I have no money! :(

Wii 3, Me 0

Nintendo's ability to create massive demand and their inability to supply that demand ruined my Christmas. I had hoped to get a Wii, but my hopes were dashed when I found out my options to get one consisted of: waking up at 3 a.m. and sitting in front of a Target or a Best Buy until it opened or paying twice or three times as much as the retail price on eBay. No thanks.

But I can at least pretend I sort of have one, thanks to the internet. The Wii comes with a nifty little approach to user profiles where you create little caricatures of yourself called a Mii, which can be used in certain games. It certainly beats entering your name, likes, dislikes etc.

Some obsessive, er, avid Nintendo fan was clever enough to replicate the Mii Creator and post it on the internet. While making a Mii of myself is entertaining, the fun lies in making Miis of other people, like Jesus...

Your Mom!

Your momma's so ugly, she makes guys commit suicide after they see her.


Of course, that's assuming that she actually meets a guy that spawns with her...

Son of God abs

I spied what I thought to be an anatomically-incorrect Jesus sporting an eight pack of abs in a local church the other day, rather than the standard six pack.
But before I posted this, I wanted to make sure an eight pack was indeed anatomically incorrect, so I consulted some med students. I was told it's not anatomically incorrect, just extremely rare.
Even better. It all makes that much more sense. Who could possibly have an eight pack? Jesus!